- Asaad Abdullah Al-Abbad
- 16/11/1424
- 08/01/2004
Series: Management Development Series
Book: Discover Yourself – Mechanisms for Acquiring Positive Behavior
Author: Sam R. Lloyd
Number of Pages: 159
Publisher: Dar Al-Ma’rifa for Human Development
Book Idea
The process of change in our contemporary life is accelerating like raging waves. Some have resisted these waves and become their victims, while others have been able to ride the wave and benefit from its power, thus becoming beneficiaries of change. This book gives you the necessary means to be a beneficiary of change, not a victim of it.
Introduction
People differ based on their behavioral pattern into three types of behavior: (positive, passive aggressive, and perhaps these types have existed throughout periods of their lives, but the most important type of behavior remains positive, confident behavior, which is the natural style of clear, direct, honest, and respectful behavior, through which sound and effective relationships are established, and which depend on) win and let others win in any human relationship.
Chapter One
Chapter One: How to Develop Confident Positive Behavior Skills
The Three Basic Behavioral Styles
1. Passive Behavioral Style:
This behavior stems from hesitation and passivity. This style conveys a weak, negative message. The inevitable fate of those with this style is to be the victim, fulfilling the desires and needs of others while their rights are violated.
2. Aggressive Behavioral Style:
This behavior conveys an impression of superiority, disrespect for others, and a violation of their rights. People with this style often get what they want because they impose losses on others, but they are vulnerable to retaliation from them.
3. Confident Positive Behavior:
This behavior is effective, direct, and honest. It creates an impression of respect for themselves and others. People with this style equate their desires with those of others, which earns them the trust of others and prevents them from being subject to any form of retaliation because they establish honest, open, and sincere relationships.
Is it possible to change behavior?
The truth is that most experts believe that a person’s general personality pattern is formed between the ages of five and twelve and does not change after that, remaining constant. But does this mean we should not improve ourselves? Answer: No. There are things that can be changed in one’s personality, such as beliefs, goals, ideas, and perspectives. When these things change for the better, it leads to the development of positive, confident behavior…
The Five Principles of Successful Change
Chapter Two
Chapter Two: How to Ensure Successful Change
The Five Principles of Successful Change
Change is associated with challenges that make most people reluctant to change. However, the reality is that it requires a massive upheaval in our lives for change to occur, and to ensure its success,
Change must include:
1. Protection: Change is often tinged with fear, so you must begin change in an atmosphere of safety and security where the element of fear is minimal or nonexistent.
2. Receptivity: Change is an interactive process between the body and the emotions. The greater the compatibility between them, the easier and more successful the change process will be.
3. Permission: To increase the effectiveness of change, you must obtain permission from yourself and those around you who will be affected by the change to ensure their support and encouragement and obtain their full commitment.
4. Practice: Anything, whether a behavior or movement pattern, that you aspire to master requires practice and training until you master it and become accustomed to it.
5. Evidence: There are undoubtedly signs and indicators that will make you feel that you are on the right path and that change is…
It’s proceeding according to plan, which must be followed by good follow-up to ensure continued change and, consequently, permanent change.
Are you moving in the right direction?
To develop yourself, as we agreed, you must change your thinking, attitudes, beliefs, and perceptions. Above all, you must change your thinking pattern to be positive, so that your behavior pattern can change to be positive and confident.
The Fulfilled Prophecy
It’s choosing what we’d hoped others would achieve. Our success or failure is often preceded subconsciously by success or failure. It can be said that our expectations, feelings, thoughts, and perspectives are all factors influencing our success or failure. The relationship between this and positive, confident behavior is that positive behavior is achieved when the underlying ideas are, by nature, good, effective, and clear, enabling us to achieve the desired success.
Mental Visualization
Use your imagination to see yourself performing tasks successfully and confidently, acting with a positive, confident attitude. Feel confident and have a strong, clear voice. Visualize only positive things. The stronger and more positive your mental image of yourself, the greater your experience of success.
Programming Yourself for Success
Positive Mental Visualization: This requires special effort to influence your subconscious mind and our expectations.
These stored expectations influence our perception of reality.
How Do You Program Yourself?
Write simple, positive statements you aspire to and wish to achieve on small cards. 2. Place yourself in a completely relaxed position. It is preferable to look at the cards before bed to program your subconscious mind, which is active and active during sleep.
Read each statement aloud several times.
Then allow your subconscious mind to absorb the ideas written on the cards.
Repeat this process for 21 days.
Chapter Three
Feelings: The emotional side of positive, confident behavior
Human nature is characterized by emotionality. We feel and sense every moment of our lives, and what matters to us are the feelings that develop in us positive, confident behavior.
We can control our emotions. If we think positively, positive feelings will result, and vice versa. Therefore, our feelings are our choice, as is our judgment of others and our reactions.
Choice and the “Win-Win” Relationship
Positive, confident behavior is based on a win-win policy (win-win, let others win). It requires us to accept responsibility for our feelings, thoughts, and actions, while respecting the feelings, opinions, and actions of others.
Talking About Feelings
Expressing problems honestly and talking to oneself clearly are pillars of a positive, confident personality.
Developing Emotional Awareness
When you feel any emotion, categorize it as (angry, sad, happy, scared) and then try to understand
the self-talk that triggered that emotion. Then, you should recognize the concrete cues that will help you increase your emotional awareness and, consequently, develop a positive way to express your feelings.
Chapter Four
How to change your behavior?
Choose Your Words for Positive and Confident Expression Carefully
To communicate your thoughts, feelings, and opinions in a positive way, you must choose words that are direct, honest,
appropriate, and respectful of others. These include:
1. Use statements that begin with the first person rather than the second person.
2. Use factual descriptions rather than generalizations and judgments.
3. Express your own feelings, thoughts, and opinions.
You can increase your success rate and improve your relationships with others by using positive, direct, and honest expressions.
Sign Language (Nonverbal Communication)
There is no doubt that the choice of words is important in conveying the message, but even more important is the way in which these words are conveyed, which is what we mean by body language and nonverbal signals. Therefore, we must have a complete understanding of body movements and gestures so that we can understand others and convey our messages positively. There is no doubt that by understanding body language, we can make significant progress in developing our positive, confident behavior.
Stop Signs and Green Lights
There are indicators that you’re going in the right direction, and there are indicators that you’re going in the wrong direction. When communicating with others, refrain from using imperative words like “you must,” exaggerations like “always,” or vague terms like “sort of.”
The green light indicates that you’re going in the right direction. Interpret when you feel comfortable and reassured, when you see others comfortable with you, when someone says, “Yes, of course,” when someone does what you asked, and finally, accept when others react positively to you.
Chapter Five
Expanding the scope of positive behavior
Four Styles of Positive Behavior
Four styles of positive behavior fall under this category:
The Supportive Style:
This style expresses friendliness and concern for others. People with this style communicate their messages honestly and clearly. People with this style can be classified as sensitive.
The Directive Style:
This style is characterized by assertiveness and results-oriented behavior. It uses directives rather than indirect requests. It aims to communicate beliefs and opinions as much as it does commands. People with this style are classified as thinkers or doers.
The Analytical Style:
This style focuses on communicating facts, information, and possibilities. People with this style use polite, indirect requests rather than directives. People with this style are characterized by calm, rationality, and detachment. People with this style are classified as thinkers.
The Expressive Style:
This style is described as active, energetic, and spontaneous. People with this style express their feelings frankly and directly, regardless of their nature. They are highly intuitive and are described as proactive or sensitive.
The Impact of Communication Style on Different Styles
Your degree of success in communicating with others depends on the style you use with others. Here are some suggestions for ensuring successful communication:
The Supportive Style:
Use a calm tone full of warmth and tenderness, making the other person feel interested, using appropriate eye movements and facial expressions, showing appreciation and empathy.
The Directive Style:
Be assertive but not aggressive. State the facts directly, indicating your focus on the goal.
The Analytical Style:
Use a candid approach, not a evasive one, so your facial expressions appear alert. Be polite and respectful, but don’t let emotions get the best of you.
The Expressive Style:
Create harmony between your voice volume, facial expressions, and body language. Highlight your emotions and feelings in an expressive and honest way.
Customize Your Styles to Enhance Your Communication
To communicate successfully with another person, use the same style they use.
The Advocative Style Category:
People with this style value personal relationships, care about the ideas and perspectives of others, and feel comfortable discussing personal and family matters. They tend to be frank, so their facial expressions and facial expressions appear comfortable. They often need your appreciation and expression of how much you care about them.
The Directive Style Category:
This category is concerned with achievements, results, loyalty, and belonging. They do not like to open up about their personal matters. They tend to be energetic, formal, and organized in their work. Their offices contain their accomplishments and values.
The Analytical Style Category:
This category is concerned with information and accuracy, logical thinking, and organization. They tend not to delve into personal matters except to the extent that they relate to work. Their facial expressions are devoid of emotion when speaking, making them less emotional. Their offices are usually cluttered with piles of papers and files.
Expressive Style Category:
This category tends to be fun, humorous, exciting, and attracting the attention of others. Therefore, they are the most interactive, lively, and outspoken in expressing their emotions. They also care about their appearance and grooming.
Chapter Six
Steps to increase the power of positive behavior
You may succeed in assessing the other party’s personality and preferred style, and mastering appropriate body language. Then, you’re surprised to find that the other party ignores all your positive behavior skills. Here, you need to adopt a more focused and well-thought-out strategy. This strategy involves four steps:
Step 1: Repeat the question to confirm that your message has been received. Some call this the “broken record” approach, but make sure you use the appropriate gaze and confident tone. Step 2: Give an order, but don’t ask. If the other party continues to ignore you, replace the question with a positive affirmation, i.e., a polite request, such as: “Please prepare this report…”
Step 3: Add your own emotions to your statements, highlighting your features, feelings, and emotions during your speech. This puts the other party in a vulnerable position and makes them more likely to respond to your words, which in turn makes them submit to your words.
Step 4: Include consequences. Consequences here don’t mean threats, but rather the logical and consequential outcome of your statements. They also clarify the results you hope for from your words.
For this step to be effective, the consequences must be:
1. They must be stated in advance with your statements.
2. The consequences must be convincing, reasonable, and compelling.
3. Your statements must demonstrate your ability to follow through with the consequences.
Chapter Seven
positive confrontation
Identify the Problem
You must specifically identify the unacceptable behavior in the other party, rather than rejecting the other party’s entire personality.
Five Steps to Successful Confrontation:
1. Determine the appropriate type of positive behavior. Choose the type of positive personality you will use to address the situation. Confrontation will be successful if you use the same style as the person you are confronting.
2. Identify the specific behavior you want to confront: Identify the behavior you do not want the other party to behave in, or you, and also identify the behavior you would like the other party to behave in.
3. Describe the consequences of that behavior. What are the negative consequences and effects of this behavior from you or the other party, and will it affect productivity? Clarifying such matters will influence the other party’s willing response.
4. Identify Your Feelings: There is no doubt that any behavior is accompanied by certain feelings. It is essential to be aware of these feelings and not ignore them, especially when they are negative. Suppressing them internally causes pain and anxiety and may erupt at the wrong time and place. Therefore, communicate this information to someone you trust; this will strengthen your ability to confront these negative feelings.
5. Determine your goal: You must define the purpose of your behavior when confronting the other party. Without a defined goal, the problem will remain unresolved and may even worsen.
6. Plan and practice dealing with various situations so that you can acquire successful, positive behavior.
